I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
