The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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