I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
