is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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