I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
