Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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