He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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