If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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