On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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