how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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