i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
