Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just sent this text using only my big toe
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
