i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she woke up with a sticky ear
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
