I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
