Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
