Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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