Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
