would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
