Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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