I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
