Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize