she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
