"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
