I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
