I'm so fucking centered right now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
