he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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