ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize