I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
