Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
