ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize