I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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