Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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