Can i not drive my cunt home
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
