he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
