I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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