I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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