Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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