are you still at the devil's house?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
