I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
