Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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