Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
