Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
