Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
