Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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