did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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