I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
