I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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