She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
