mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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