By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
