dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
