I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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