i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize