Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
