yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
