Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
