Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
