apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
