the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
