This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
