She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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