I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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