Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
