I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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