Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
