I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
