Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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