i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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