If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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