youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
