I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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