Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
