Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize