Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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