Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
