splinters make it hard to masturbate
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
