What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
