Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
