I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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