I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
