Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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